you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
