Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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