i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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