just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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