my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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