She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
