I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
