I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
