I only kidnapped one of them. chill
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
