Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
