If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
