that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
