He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
