this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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