Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
