We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
