Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
