i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
