Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
