i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
