Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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