Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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