How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
