I must be too annoying 4 u.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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