Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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