then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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