I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
