I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
