last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
