And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
