i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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