I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Your shirt... Was in my pants
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
