Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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