thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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