apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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