so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
