He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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