The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Randomize
