Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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