My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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