You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
