so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
