Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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