whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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