I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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