Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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