maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
