Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
