I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
