I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
