Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
