There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Let's paint friendship bongs
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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