I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
