found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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