someone get that fucking seahorse.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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