You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
