just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
