Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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